Thursday, December 30, 2010

We made the drive from the San Fernando Valley to Oakland today. It took us 7 hours, including 1 bathroom-diaper change-coffee stop and 1 gas-diaper change-dinner stop. (I am too ashamed to tell you what we ate. We tried to do better but it was late and we made due with what was available. Pickings were slim. We didn’t want to take our usually-very-happy-but-tonight-fussy-no-saying-very-much-a-two-year-old boy out of the car.)

Ollie fell asleep right when we started the drive, which bummed me out because I knew he’d sleep for an hour or so and then be wide awake the whole ride home. I was right, except that he did doze off during the last 20 minutes of our drive. Of course.

Gabe drove the first 3 hours and when we stopped for coffee, we switched.

If you’ve never been on Highway 5, it’s got 2 lanes going both north and south.

I hate the 5.

Sure, there are some pretty things about it. For instance, the rolling green hills as far as the eye can see. And the rainbows we’ve now witnessed two years in a row on our way home from L.A. after Christmas.

The speed limit on the 5 is 70 miles per hour. That’s pretty fast. Slower traffic is to stay in the right lane, with faster traffic in the left.

I don’t know if it’s a result of people being stressed out from the holidays or what, but the tailgating! If I was in the fast lane, people would pass me because I wasn't up the ass of the car in front of me. I was trying to keep a good distance between the car in front of us in case they slammed on their brakes. I wasn't slowing down traffic. Then, if I was in the slow lane, people from the fast lane would come over to slow lane to attempt to pass folks who were keeping a nice safe distance much like the distance I’d spent a great deal of time trying to keep.

And they'd tailgate me in the slow lane. Where was I supposed to go? Up onto the big rig in front of me? Off the road?

Also, there were big rig trucks passing other big rig trucks. So fucking frustrating. A truck hauling 3 other vehicles kept weaving in and out of lanes trying to get ahead.

I was getting pissed. Gabe was trying to nap, but I was making it near impossible with my (g-rated) commentary. I did honk at a woman in a white Prius who was tailgating me in the slow lane. It only made her drive like even more of an asshole.

I'm getting mad all over again, just writing about it.

Since having Ollie I’m more aware of how I drive. I try to be very, very careful. I get nervous. I also get really pissed at people who drive like assholes. I've always been a stickler for driving rules, like stopping at goddamned stop signs, but now I'm a little bit of a freak about people not stopping at stop signs and normal shit like that. I have a little guy to protect.

I edit my responses to assclowns and try not to use any words that would embarrass me if Ollie's teachers were to tell me he was saying them.

A while ago I was backing out of our driveway. Ollie was with me in his carseat. Something happened and I said, “OH SHOOT!” Now whenever I drive and I so much as gasp, or make any sort of noise Ollie says, “Mama, OH SHOOT.” It was all I could do to not say much, much worse than "oh shoot" today.

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