warm as toast

there was a time when i would read three, four books a week. then i got pregnant. and i still read, though not for fun. i was reading for survival. holy smokes, i was convinced birth was going to be awful and scary. i read anything and everything i could find about childbirth. from ina may, to dr. sears to what to expect, to authors i've never heard of, i read anything i could get my hands on.

for one weekend, the weekend i read the ina may book, i actually thought i might have a natural childbirth. that notion didn't last long. at one point my mom told me to stop reading about childbirth because she knew i was freaking myself out. a girlfriend gently told me not to forget to read about the child raising, in addition to the child birthing. "a birth lasts for hours, but you'll raise your child for years" she cautioned. both my mom and friend were right, but of course, i ignored them and kept reading. and reading and reading.

when i did have ollie, of course, nothing went the way i'd imagined it would and nothing i worried about happened. i've always meant to share his birth story here, but i've never finished writing it. briefly though: i got an epidural before i even dilated. i didn't realize just how scary it was, until well after ollie was born, months after even, did it REALLY sink in. his apgar score was low, very low at first. he was not really crying and he was blue. they brought him to a corner of the delivery room, and a pediatrician, another doctor and 2 nurses hovered over him while gabe and i sat across the room, freaking OUT. is he OK we asked the OB. she said she couldn't tell us if he was or not. i remember whimpering. the nurse, who'd practically delivered him (the OB wasn't there yet because he came so fast) told us, "i don't deliver unhealthy babies." and, she didn't lie -- in minutes he was more than OK -- he was totally fine. and quickly we forgot about those short few minutes in that room, as our focus turned to this new little person.

i'm getting distracted though. back to reading. the past two weeks, i've been reading again, like i used to read. maybe not quite as much, but i'm definitely back in love with reading. this past weekend i was home with a sick little boy who didn't want to do much, so i read bob and dayna baer's the company we keep, while he watched wall-e for the millionth time. it's at true story, about two people, who both work for the CIA, and end up meeting and falling in love. it was a really quick, easy read -- i started it saturday and was done by sunday afternoon. i think it would be the perfect spring break, summer vacation, lounging outside in the sun book.