when i was young

when i was little my aunt sandi had a drawing on her wall, which was a figure study of a nude woman in three different positions. she told me the woman in the drawing was her and for years i really believed the woman in the picture was my aunt. and i thought she was a little weird for having naked drawings of herself hanging on her living room wall.

another time, when i was little, i was at a cousin's birthday party. there was some sort of game and i lost. another aunt, my mom's sister kathy, told me i would get a booby price. i thought i was going to get a prize that had something to do with a boob.

as a kid, when i was at a stoplight with my dad, he would count until the light changed. he always said "change light," right when it changed. i thought he was magical. (yellow lights!)

my mom never spanked/hit us. one time though she was taking me to school. i was sitting in the back seat of our silver buick being a little shit. she yelled, "if you do whatever you're doing again, i'll spank you harder than you've ever been spanked." so i did whatever it was i'd been doing. and she reached around from the front seat and slapped my bare leg. it was hard, because it left a handprint. and - i'm cringing as i write this - i laughed and said, "that's your hardest?" she drove me to school in silence.

anthony, my brother is 2.5 years younger than me. we were home alone one day combing through the pantry looking for something sweet when we noticed some unsweetened hershey's chocolate. we decided to "make" chocolate. we pulled out a pan, put it on the stove and then proceeded to add the chocolate, a couple of eggs and sugar. we scrambled the chocolate up and served ourselves each a plate. then we sat down at the kitchen table and both choked a few bites down.

another time we were home alone, again going through the pantry and we decided to make clove cigarettes. we took a piece of binder paper, sprinkled (whole) cloves in it, rolled it up and scotch taped it closed. then we lit it on fire. it burned quick and was near impossible to smoke so we ran it under the kitchen faucet and scratched that idea. my mom got home soon after and asked us why the house smelled like something had burned. we explained that we'd made clove cigarettes. she told us not to that again. she also said be sure you do not tell your friends about this.